Earlier I said to myself I would finally try to work on drawing out my ideas, whatever if they're intrusive thoughts or maladaptive daydreams, I would find the time to work them out. I've started around 2019 with only traditional drawing since I didn't have the necessities to start drawing digitally. Looking back 3 months before this year, I drew an intrusive idea digitally, reception here was not much but other places had at least 1 comment (X, Deviantart, Tumblr, yeah I post there, keep my sources open). However, reality came by with a swift hook to the jaw to remind me of the route I have to go with. I don't want to get too many details in my personal life, but I have a bunch of important tasks (computer programming, university enrollment, job hunting, etc.) I have to deal with before I can even go back to having more time to work on things I believe to have more passion or motivation for.

It's only been 2 months since my last art post, yet now I feel like I don't have as much time as I hoped for, focusing on treating myself with what I dream of working on every day. My mother who has always taken care of me has even told me that I cannot make a living with doing "art" or even developing a "game", and even thought it was hard to hear from her, I can't argue that with her. I've seen many artists already that have obviously developed more on their work over the years, and here I've started way too late that it almost seems impossible to continue. I've even talked about a concept idea of an indie crossover game idea that I hoped it would give awareness for other indie series that don't get much attention, it even caught someone's attention, and they offered some assistance for that idea, but how could I rush in and take it now if I haven't had the means to pay for them if I haven't made a financial plan for myself first? Not only that, but I've already been trying to wake up as early as possible at the point of setting up an alarm around 6:30 am, but now I may have to use that early wake up opportunity for either my university tasks or reviewing up my computer programming knowledge, and I've already had folks complaining to me how I don't get enough sleep since I keep staying up at 12, 1, or even 2 am at some occasions.

Right now, I'm trying to make a plan to have some time to practice drawing anatomy during the weekends if I'm not going to have time during the weekdays, and hopefully with enough practice I can improve step by step, but as of now my university situation needs to come first, so it will be a slow process. I'm trying to go to sleep as soon as 10:30 pm, but it feels almost impossible whenever something comes up late in the evening and I still go to bed late. I feel like life is telling me to focus what I'm studying for and use it for my future, but I don't want to give up something I think about creating from the moment I wake up, to the moment I dream at night, not now not anytime soon. If I stop now, and just focus on life, than I'm not living up my life, I'm just surviving against my life. How would surviving life be any better than feeling nothing left in your body, like trading your own soul just for survival or sources of sustenance?